


Hell on Earth

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Mpreg, Romance, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-11-30
Updated: 2004-12-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 20:40:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12066594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin is keeping a huge secret from Brian.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

It had been ten years since Brian had met Justin under the lamppost at Liberty Avenue. They had survived the bashing and the fiddler, and they had even survived the cancer and Justin living in California. Life couldn’t be any better than it already was. Gay marriage had become legal after John Kerry was elected president and Brian had decided to put all fears of commitment aside and admit his love for Justin. They had gotten married and shortly afterwards had decided that they wanted to have children. Even though Brian already had Gus, Justin had always wanted to have children of his own. They looked into adopting, but after much consideration, they decided to have an experimental procedure done. The procedure would allow the composition of Justin’s sperm to change to where it would be a female egg, and Brian’s sperm would fertilize the male egg therefore allowing Justin to become pregnant. It was a risk, but one the boys were willing to take to have children. 

After two months of trying to become pregnant they succeeded and nine months later they had a beautiful baby girl named Shelby. When Shelby turned three they once again decided to have the procedure done and they had another little girl named Lauren. 

They couldn’t have asked for a much better life than what they were living in, and now that Lauren was three and Shelby was six they wanted to try one more time for a boy of their own. They were finally happy and more in love than ever, and as Justin was walking home from the fertility clinic that afternoon the world as he knew it came crashing down when Ethan walked back into his life.


	2. Hell on Earth

A storm raged inside his mind…

With shaking hands, Justin removed his ripped shirt and torn jeans. Tears fell from his eyes as he noticed the blood that stained his jeans and still ran down his thighs. Underwear long forgotten he bent to remove his socks, and the pain that shot through his body was worse than anything he had ever felt in his life. His skin was on fire, every muscle in his body felt like steel and yet he shook with an unspoken fear.

He stepped into the shower and as the flaming hot water rushed over him, he was never more grateful that Brian was out with Michael. As he stood under the water, his thoughts mingled in a foggy maze. He hoped that his mother would not bring the kids back early, he hoped that he could forget, he hoped that he would never see him again, more than anything he hoped Brian would NEVER find out. He hoped.

His thoughts then went to how he had gotten there bleeding and his body black and blue…and…as the memories crept back into his mind his brain drifted. He hit the glass, shattering it into a thousand pieces all he felt was pain as his skin was further damaged and suddenly it all…..went black.

“Justin! Justin!”

He could hear Brian’s voice register in his brain but he could not move. His body was on fire. Time slipped away from him. He awoke with a jump. He was in a panic as he took in the white walls, the sterile smell and the hard hospital bed. His body calmed as his eyes rested on Brian’s body slumped in the chair in the corner. He would always be the one person who brought calm to his world.

“Hey baby, you finally woke up.” Brian said.

“Yeah, I felt like I stepped off a cliff,” Justin said as he held his head to try and stop the throbbing.

“Justin, baby, what happened?” Brian softly stated. He did not want Justin to have another panic attack or worse blackout. 

“Brian, I….can’t remember,” Justin looked at him with empty eyes. He knew, he knew that Brian could sense the lie. It tasted bitter as it rolled off his tongue but he could not tell Brian.

Dr. Ross stepped into the room. Justin was saved from answering. He looked at Brian again and knew it was not over. Brian was boiling, and Justin knew he would soon have to face that anger and tell the truth.


	3. Hell on Earth

“Justin who did this to you,” Brian choked out as he paced the room.

“I don’t remember all I remember is everything going black,” Justin barely managed to speak as choked sobs wracked his body. All he could remember in detail about the attacker was a raspy voice and strong arms. He remembered the blood and the pain vividly, and the only thing he could really remember from earlier before the attack was Ethan. The motherfucker had showed back up begging him to come back after all those years, and then Justin had told him to back the fuck off. Thinking about that encounter made chills run up his spine. Brian noticed and decided to change the subject and came and sat down next to him reaching out and stroking his cheek causing Justin to shun away more.

“What’s wrong baby,” Brian asked. 

“Please, just don’t touch me,” Justin said barely above a whisper as he pulled his knees closer to his chest. He felt ashamed and dirty and didn’t want Brian to know that and he could always read into his emotions with a single look or touch.

“Ok, baby I won’t.” Brian said as he slid off the edge of the bed and took his place back in the chair next to Justin’s bed. Justin never shrunk away from his touch besides the time after the bashing and that really worried him and all he wanted to know was who the fuck had attacked his husband.

A couple of hours after Justin was stitched up and everything was done to make sure that he didn’t have a concussion or internal bruising he was sent home. Brian had called Jennifer and asked her to keep the girls for a few days so that Justin could have some time to recover from his injuries and so the girls wouldn’t be asking a lot of questions. They walked out to the car in silence and drove to the loft. When they found out that Justin was pregnant with Shelby they had decided to buy a house close to Mel and Lindsay that way Gus could come over and see them and they would have more room with the baby. They had decided to keep the loft however, as a place to go when they needed time alone without the girls.

“Hey Jus, do you think you’ll be okay for a few minutes while I run and get your prescriptions,” Brian asked.

“Yeah, I think I’m just going to take a shower.”

“Okay, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Justin just nodded as he walked up the steps to the bedroom and began to strip out of his clothes. He stumbled into the bathroom, turned on the water, and stepped under the hot water. He stood there for a few moments then reached for the shower gel and began scrubbing his skin. He felt dirty both physically and emotionally. He was standing their rubbing the soap on his already raw skin when Brian walked in and saw him.

“Baby…,” Brian’s voice trailed off at the site of his husband. He stripped and entered the shower. He knew that Justin’s emotions were on edge and threatening to spill over at any moment. He stood there watching Justin as the water pounded down on both of them.

“Hold me please,” Justin said barely above a whisper as the sobs threatened to come.

“It’s okay, your safe with me,” Brian whispered, and as he wrapped Justin in his arms and his love he made a silent vow to put away whoever had fucked with his husband.


	4. Hell on Earth

The next few days passed slowly. They had still not made love since Justin’s attack and it was putting a strain on their relationship. They lay in the bed together miles apart and with silence looming in between them. Justin was doing his best to hold it together. He felt small and weak and he hated that feeling. They were the same feelings that he felt after the bashing. He knew Brian was still awake next to him and it was making him nervous. He knew that Brian wanted more information and he wanted to give it to him but he just felt so guilty like it was somehow his fault. He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable.

“Justin you know if there is ever anything that you want to say I am here, I know I don’t always listen but I am here if you and when you want to talk” Brian said softly.

“I know” Justin replied barely above a whisper as tears fell down his face.

**

The next day Justin felt like he was floating in reality. He was making himself go through the motions. “Justin?”

“Huh” he said as he snapped out of his daze. “What did you say? I was in another place.”

“I said if you’re uncomfortable I can stay at home for a couple of days” There was no way that Brian was going to admit that he would feel more comfortable staying with him.

“I’ll be fine Brian you can go” he said with a smile that was anything but genuine.

It had five hours since Brian had gone to work and Justin still had not moved, he knew that soon it would be time for Brian to come home after he picked up the girls from Jennifer. He could not bring himself to move, he felt like the walls were closing in on him and his heart was beating so fast that he thought it was trying to come out his chest to freedom. He jumped ten feet as there was a knock on the door. “Take a fucking pill Justin and answer the door” he said. As he placed a hand on the door he heard a familiar voice and his body went stiff.

“Hey, HEY” the person on the other side of the door shouted. Justin immediately went back to that night.

“Hey Justin what are you doing down here?” Ethan said. He quickly gave Justin a hug and noticed the tense feeling in the blonde.

“Ethan please don’t touch me, it makes me uncomfortable and what are you doing down here anyway I thought you moved to New York for more visibility” Justin said as he started walking down the street. 

“Justin I feel really bad about how we broke up it has bothered me for a long time and I wanted to apologize, please don’t walk away from me” Ethan said grabbing Justin’s arm and spinning him around. Justin’s mouth flew open.

“Keep your fucking hands off me and don’t give me that bullshit about your sorry. You cheated on me not the other way around” Justin spit.

“I cheated on you, that’s a fucking laugh. You thought about Brian every second we were together every minute I fucked you and every time you fuck me your thoughts were on that asshole” Ethan said getting more upset it was not supposed to go this way. 

“You have no right talking about Brian like that he is my husband and the father of my kids his name does not leave your fucking lips” Justin screamed. He was furious that Ethan would choose now to come and start fucking with him. It was the last thing he wanted to deal with. 

“Hey Justin I said don’t walk away from….” And the thoughts went blank.

He was snapped back to the present with continued pounding on the door, and he heard Ethan’s voice loud and clear “Justin please let me in I want to see you, please, I am sorry” Ethan screamed. “PLEASE” he yelled and banged on the door.

The room was spinning, all the noise was causing Justin to go into a panic attack and he was breathing so hard that he was starting to hyperventilate. The phone started ringing and Justin was freaking out. Tears were falling from his eyes and his breathing was ragged. The answering machine picked it up and Justin was so dazed he barely heard the message.

“Hello Mr. Taylor this is Dr. Benjamin Denton from the Fertility and Gynecological center” the voice stated. “We have your test results and we would like for you to call the center to schedule an appointment as soon as possible, the number is 240-739-6332 Thank you” and with a beep it was over and Justin was in the throws of a full on panic attack. He grabbed the phone never more grateful for speed dial and hit Brian’s number. He answered on the first ring.

“Kinney” he stated all business.

“Bri…an, I can’t breath, ne...ed you” and the line went dead.


	5. Hell on Earth

Once Brian got to the loft, he ran up the stairs taking them two at a time. He found Justin huddled on the bed visibly trembling. He was hyperventilating and it was obvious that he was also on the verge of an asthma attack on top of the panic attack. Brian grabbed his inhaler from the side table, shook it up bringing it to Justin’s mouth, and instructed him to breathe in deep as he gave him a dose of the medication. Once Justin’s breathing was more regular he sunk into Brian’s arms.

“Baby, what happened,” Brian asked.

Justin just shook his head, leaned forward, and kissed Brian deeply. He unbuttoned Brian’s shirt and slid it off his torso exposing his skin. Justin then licked his chest kissing him in between licks and sucking. 

“I need you,” Justin whispered huskily as he ground his erection into Brian’s.

“Ok, I promise I’ll go slow,” Brian whispered as he slowly helped Justin undress and then removed the rest of his clothing. 

Justin ran his hands along Brian’s back causing shivers to run up and down his spine. Brian nibbled and sucked every inch of exposed skin as he began to prepare Justin without disturbing any of the bruised or stitched up skin. He slowly slid one finger in and out allowing Justin to feel that slow agonizing pleasure.

Justin moaned and writhed at every touch that Brian was giving him, and when Brian entered him raw he knew that this was where he belonged. Brian then slid into him slowly and rocked in and out ever so gently. He kissed Justin gently on the neck and forehead and before long they were both trembling with a mutual orgasm, however now all Justin wished was that he could get Ethan out of his mind.


	6. Hell on Earth

Brian ran his hands slowly along Justin’s sleeping form, and pulled out of his husband slowly. He had fallen asleep while still inside Justin but this time seemed different and he felt much more vulnerable. When he had seen all the blood, and then heard the doctor say that Justin had been raped his whole body shook. There had been the countless number of tests and the vulnerability, and when Justin had gotten to come home there was the feeling of endless separation. He felt so close to his husband now and never wanted to let him go. Justin moaned softly at the loss when Brian pulled out but only stirred a little. They had made love the night before very intense at first as a way to make all the hurt and pain go away, but more slowly and trusting as the night passed. Brian shivered at the thought and walked away from the bed. He pressed the button on the on the answering machine.

“Hello Mr. Taylor this is Dr. Benjamin Denton from the Fertility and Gynecological center” the voice stated. “We have your results and we would like for you to call the center to schedule an appointment as soon as possible, the number is 240-739-6332 Thank You” and the voice died but the enormity of what it might mean laid heavy on the air.

It was at that exact moment that Brian realized that Justin’s appointment to have his fertility procedure had been the day that he had been raped, “Holy shit my sunshine could be pregnant, and Oh my god with someone else’s baby” he did not know what to do.

Justin began to stir and Brian made his way back to the bed. “Hey Sunshine, are you feeling better.”

“A little better” he said dryly, which made Brian know that something was definitely bothering him.

“Justin you are not going to get any better if you hold all this inside of you without talking to me, please baby, I am here and willing to listen all you have to do is open your mouth” he tells him and waits. He gets up and walks to the bathroom clearly avoiding his husband. Brian tries for a last minute then decided the best way to confront him is to just say it. “Justin I know that the F&G center called with your results.” He stops cold in his tracks and turns around he has his mouth open and ready to say something when there is a knock at the door.

Brian turns to answer it and when he gets halfway, he stops and looks back at Justin who immediately retreated into the bathroom away from the questions. He then goes to the door and opens it.

“Daddy, Daddy” Shelby and Lauren scream.

“Hello girls how wa….” 

“Hey Daddy guess what Grandma took us to the zoo and then we painted pictures and went to new houses with Grandma and lots of people” Shelby tells him. 

“Daddy where Papa?” Lauren asks, she has always been especially attached to Justin. They do everything together, and she has his artistic flare. Lauren is more like Brian except that she looks just like Justin.

“Oh, he is in the bathroom baby but lets be very quiet because Papa does not feel too good right now,” he tells her and she looks at him with big hazel eyes seemingly asking why. He hugs her and she is fine with that before he places her on her feet. 

“Hey Jen” Brian says greeting his mother-in-law, “I am sorry we could not pick them up sooner I know you have other things to do.”

“Brian it’s okay, so do you want to tell me what’s wrong with Justin” she asks with a smile that only a concerned mother can pull off. As if to say, I am asking you but I am not really asking you. He looks down at the girls and back up at Jen.

“Not in front of the girls Jen” he tells her and she realizes that it must be bad. “Hey Shelby, Daddy is going to step out and talk to Grandma so keep an eye on your sister for a moment okay.” He slides the loft door closed behind him.

**

“What’s going on Brian?” 

“Jen look Justin was attacked a couple of days ago and raped pretty badly” Brian tells her saying the word out loud for the first time and he has to swallow to keep from throwing up.

“Oh God, is he okay I have to go see him. Did he go to the doctor? Why didn’t he tell me?” she asked, firing question after question. 

“Jen, he just got home and he is not even talking to me. I know he needs to talk but he won’t. He won’t even tell me who did it and I know he knows, and he knows I know that he lied about not knowing” he tells her.

“Brian will you promise me that if you need any help with anything that you will call me right away” she says as she realizes that she must let Brian handle this. 

“I promise Jen” he tells her and kisses her cheek. She turns to go down the stairs and Brian goes back into the loft.

**

ETHAN’S POV 

“I really need to talk to Justin. I need to apologize for what I did to him. I never wanted to hurt him or make him afraid.”

I pick up my violin and start to play a slow romantic song as I think of Justin. The thoughts of our time together are blended with him and Brian together and I start to play harder and faster. “Fuck this” I say as I throw my violin down and sit on the bed. “I miss you Justin don’t you know that. I just want to apologize for what I did.” 

I will go over there one more time and try to talk to him and hopefully Brian will not be there. Yeah, tomorrow I will go back over there and try to talk to him. I will apologize and he will forgive me. Yeah it will all work out.


	7. Hell on Earth

“Jus, please let me in,” Brian whispered outside the bathroom door, “the girls are here so we should probably head back to the house.”

Brian then heard the lock on the door turn and the pulled the door open to reveal Justin sitting on the ground in front of the toilet. His face was tear streaked and it was obvious that he had vomited because there was a smell of sickness in the air.

“Brian, I’m so scared,” Justin whispered as he began to sob again.

“Shh, baby I know,” Brian said as he sat down on the floor next to him and cradled him in his arms. 

All of a sudden, their quiet moment was broken by Shelby’s voice, “Papa, don’t cry, I love you and so does Lauren and Daddy.”

Justin sat up and looked at his daughter through teary eyes and smiled a genuine sunshine smile, “I know you love me come here,” he said wrapping her in his arms.

**

A few days later Justin and Brian walked into the fertility and gynecology center. They had decided to wait until Justin was fully healed to go to the appointment. Dr. Denton had wanted both of them to be there.

“Justin how are you doing, I was calling to let you know that the procedure was effective and that you should be able to get pregnant at anytime. Sorry about the urgency, but I am leaving on vacation and wanted to let you know.”

Justin shivered at the thought. Considering that he had gotten pregnant with Lauren and Shelby about a week after the procedure had been done with them he knew that it was a good possibility that he was already pregnant, “Dr. Denton, can I go ahead and take a pregnancy test,” Justin whispered.

“Sure,” Dr. Denton said passing him a urine test know thing that that was going to be the best way to determine if he was definitely pregnant without the wait. Justin excused himself and went to the bathroom with the test, and returned shortly with a look that said it all. He was pregnant, but one question remained. Who was the other father the rapist or Brian?


	8. Hell on Earth

BRIAN’S POV

“Justin, do you think that you were pregnant before or after you were attacked” I look over at him and I instantly regret asking that question at this point in time. He breaks down into sobs and I try to comfort him. He pushes my hand away and cries with his head in his hands. I pull the car over to have a better angle at him and I pull him into my embrace despite his attempts to push me away. I hold him tight and he eventually grips me so hard the gearshift is pressing into my side but I forget the pain to give him comfort.

“Brian” he says in between heavy sobs “Brian, I don’t know if I was pregnant before, I just don’t know. I think I was, but I just don’t know.” I hold him tighter “Shhh, its okay babe. The doctor said that when you are further along we can do that new procedure that tests the paternity before the baby is born. We will just wait till then and deal with the results when they come to us.”

“But, what if it’s someone else’s baby, do we still want to keep it?” he asks with a hush.

I turn to him so that he can understand everything that I am about to say. “Justin, when I fell in love with you, married you, and had the most gorgeous kids in the world with you I did it because I truly love you, every part of you. This baby is a part of you and as much as I hate that that baby may be someone else’s I can accept it because it is a part of you and I will love it… because I love you” I tell him as I capture his lips in a kiss. A kiss that says I love you.

“Thank you Brian, Thank you for not blaming me and thank you for not pushing me to talk about it” he says softly. I look at him and I am so happy that I have decided not push him about the topic. Even though I am dying to know who did this to him and I know he knows.

I pull away from the curb and continue on to our house, we have packed the girls up and went back to the house. The loft locked up again until we need it. I just can’t seem to shake that feeling that might be soon.

**

JUSTIN’S POV

“Lauren don’t pull the DVD’s off the shelf” I tell her. Shelby should be home from school in about an hour and I am still trying to cook dinner. “Lauren DO NOT pull on the shelf. I better not tell you again, you know daddy does not like it when you do that.” She comes over to me and smiles, I cannot believe that she will be in school soon and another baby will be here.

It’s been eight weeks since I was attacked and I am feeling a little better everyday, I still get jumpy sometimes but I am getting really better. The doctor said that we may be able to do a paternity test earlier than six months because the baby seems to be at a good weight. I am snapped out of my thinking by Lauren tugging at my leg.

“Whatya makin’ Papa?” 

“I am making spaghetti, I know how much you and your sister like it” I tell her, I am laughing inside because I know Brian hates it. ‘Justin all that pasta’ I can hear him say. By the time the food is done it is time to pick Shelby up from the bus stop at the corner.

“Well come on Ms. Lauren we have to go and get Shel from the bus” I tell her as I put on her coat and shoes. It is getting so hard to bend over now that I am starting to show. “Whew Lauren, I have to teach you how to tie your shoes soon” I tell her as I stand back up and take a deep breath.

I put on my own jacket and we head down to the bus stop. I am not there for more than ten minutes when I see Ethan coming around the corner. “Shit” I say out loud as my heart starts to beat faster. 

“What wrong Papa?” she asks me curious as to why I said a bad word. 

“Nothing baby” I say as I put my body in front of hers and pull my cell phone from my pocket just as he steps up to me.

“Hey, Justin I was hoping to catch you here” he says.

“How the fuck did you know I would be here?” I am trying to calm myself but it’s not working, I press the speed dial out of view of Ethan and pray Brian picks up.


End file.
